Beginning of Transformation... walking with OCD...

Hello Friends! 

As I sit here, I contemplate how to share one of the most trying times in my life.  Knowing without doing so, I can not offer the hope, through Christ, that I have been so graciously given.  I know that the best way to move forward is to be truly vulnerable. So come along side me, as I share the beginning of my journey with OCD. A time where I wasn’t walking with the Lord; a time where I thought with just me and my husband, we could conquer an illness that we didn't even know I had or what it even was.  I know, you may be asking yourself, “how did she not know?”  I have asked myself that so many time, but I don’t camp there any longer. I was uneducated, prideful and lacked faith. I knew that something was NOT “normal” with me, but I honestly thought that the days I lived in was what it was going to be like for me the rest of my life.  These were the cards I were dealt and let me tell you, it was no flush.  (As I type this, the word transformation goes across my screen, the next song playing). How relevant is that? ) I want to share my story after many years of walking, suffering, releasing, seeking, and the most important, living in transformation.  

What was OCD like for me?  What did my day to day life look like as I walked with a disease that was destroying every living breath I took as it wreak havoc in the lives of those I was close to?

A lot of what I am going to share, unless you are struggling with this disease, may make no sense to you. It really is okay.  As I am recalling it, goodness, I think to myself the same thing. 

I would like to begin my story by sharing a little information on what research has determined O.C.D. is and what it looks like.  

~ Caroline :-)

Obsessive-compulsive disorder 

Use this link, above, to visit the page the following information was captured from.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) is a mental disorder in which people have unwanted and repeated thoughts, feelings, ideas, sensations (obsessions), or behaviors that drive them to do something (compulsions).

Often the person carries out the behaviors to get rid of the obsessive thoughts. But this only provides temporary relief. Not doing the obsessive rituals can cause great anxiety and distress

Causes

Doctors do not know the exact cause of OCD. Factors that may play a role include head injury, infections, and abnormal function in certain areas of the brain. Genes (family history) seems to play a strong role. 

Most people who develop it show symptoms by age 30.

Symptoms

• Obsessions or compulsions that are not due to medical illness or drug use
• Obsessions or compulsions that cause major distress or interfere with everyday life 

There are many types of obsessions and compulsions. These can be physically doing things (behaviors) or doing them in the head (mental acts). Examples include: 

• Checking and rechecking actions (such as turning out the lights and locking the door) 
• Excessive counting
• Excessive fear of germs 
• Repeatedly washing the hands to ward off infection
• Repeating words silently
• Praying silently over and over

The person usually recognizes that the behavior is excessive or unreasonable.

My journey begins here....

Living a Life of Purpose

What defines me:

"My name is Caroline! I have a wonderful husband of 24 years, three fantastic young adult children and most importantly,  A Loving Gracious Father in Heaven, in  Him I have a purpose! "

What has refined me:

"Living with O.C.D. and depression"

For many years I battled not knowing if I should share, in fear of judgment and contempt from others. Once I got past that fear, then came the fear of how much to share and who could I trust with the information. Would they use it against me subconsciously or consciously? Would they treat me differently? Would they look at me differently? Would they not value my thoughts and opinions, as they once did?

There are many different battles that encompass us in snares of worry and defeat but once I recognized that I could not conquer these fears on my own, there was hope. Hope of acceptance, hope of happiness, hope of understanding and most important, a hope to walk in the purpose I was designed for. 

Many of you may be reading this for the first time and asking yourself, "How did I not know? I would not of ever imagined she suffered through mental illnesses. Why didn't she share sooner? Or maybe, "that explains everything!" But in all seriousness, it has been over the past year and a half that God has called me out to walk in the purpose He designed me for. This includes being very transparent. Yes, I have had a lot of great opportunities and missions that He has graciously allowed me to seasonally be a part of, but a lot of those opportunities, God used to stir me the direction of walking in My Purpose. That purpose is to share and offer hope, understanding to those who have, are and will walk with someone or even oneself, through a mental illness. 

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